Old age!

Let's talk about old age! At least it is to what I witness, not yet experiencing it. First it was my father. He is the type of man who is always positive, pleasant, and easy going. There were very few things that he really ever got bother by. He retired a while ago... about 13 year ago. Back then when he did retire, he still keeping himself busy with painting, translating Chinese, French, and English poems into Vietnamese. He wrote personal bios and Chinese medicine books which his friend promises to publish but somehow never did. He was a healthy individual who hardly got any sickness other than occasional colds. He decided a few years before just when he begins his retirement that he is to move into my older sister house to help her with her children. And that my mom is to move into my older bother home to help him out with his children. They both were ok and happy with the arrangement. My brother and my sister, both also felt the same way. Then, I don't quite know when it actually starts, but my father slowly stop painting. When I asked him about it, he just said that it was hard to pain with kids running around and getting into his paints. Then as one or two years go by, I started to notice that he eats less and less. He also starts to loose interest in surfing the net, translating poems, and writing books. He started to sleep more and more during the day. Eventually his sleeping pattern became irregular and he woke up just enough to eat a little something, listening to his kids’ talks if they happened to be around before he went back to bed. This seems to be for duration of almost two years. Then one day he got sick with flu and that lasted for about a month. He passed away after that. Witnessing that last month of his life was very difficult. He kept waking up, at first every few times a night, then it became every hour, then it became every half. He just woke up wanting to go to the bathroom or just woke up sitting up at the bed edge. Poor daddy, he became so restless. When he passed away, my mom was devastated. They never had gotten quite along ... to put in lightly. She was so upset that she took sick not long after that. Just like a switch, she changes from being capable to incapable. Her health has changed immensely, she can't walk anywhere without a walker. She can't cook, clean, nor does anything of the house hold chores that she so wanted to do to prove to herself that she being useful. The only thing she can do now is waking up early to chant a Buddhist mantra and prayed for everyone she loved. She often thinks back of her past. She talked in regrets of things that she did that weren’t so kind. She tried hard everyday to live with kindness and tranquility.

All this witnessing sometimes made me feel old, and sad. Life is so fragile and dream like. There never seems enough time before and now it seems even less so. There is no time to waste on hatred, anger, and unkind. Every minutes is precious, there is only time for love, joy, and kindness.